Akatsuki Gummie Bear Crisis
by Zysea
Summary: Natsuki just wanted some quiet time to write in her notebook and eat her gummie bears. She finds this impossible however, as her sempais show up on her doorstep to 'check up' on her. If only she knew what they were really after... Rated for language!


This is my first published oneshot. It's based off of a dream I had last year... been fiddling with it since. I think I'm finally satisfied, so go on, read it.

I love constructive critism. x3

Edit: I went back and fixed all those little grammatical errors. Just goes to show why you don't post something when you've been up for over 24 hours.

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own is my original character, Natsuki. If I owned Naruto, the Akatsuki would most likely win.

The Akatsuki Star in: Gummie Bear Crisis

_Once upon a time in an ordinary cottage in the middle of an ordinary forest lived a not so ordinary maiden. The maiden knew not how un-ordinary--_

"Un-ordinary? No, that's definitely not right.." The writer tapped her chin with her pencil as she used her other hand to fish around in a plastic container. She pulled her hand from the container and popped a handful of delectable little gummie bears into her mouth.

_The maiden knew not how **extraordinary** she was._

"Ah, there we go."

_She held a treasure that didn't even seem a treasure, an object most people would overlook. She herself thought it no more than a family heirloom, a silly trinket, but if only she knew how valuable it really was._

_If only she knew the lengths the evil would go to, to even glimpse at the seemingly ordinary object. __The treasure could undoubtedly bring about the destruction of the world, in the wrong hands. In the right hands knock knock knock--_

"Wait, knock knock knock?"

Snapping back to reality Natsuki stared at what she had wrote in her notebook.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Realization struck, and annoyed fists slammed onto the desk. Of all the times to have a visitor it had to be when she had finally gotten an idea for a story.

Grumbling, the girl put her pencil down onto her recently abused desk and stood. She twisted the lid onto the container of gummies and sighed. The knocking turned to pounding as the someone got impatient.

"I'm coming! Geez.." Natsuki cursed under her breath as she crossed her small living room to reach the door.

Agitated by the insistent pounding she yanked the door open and growled, "What's so damn impor- Sempais? What are you doing here?" Standing on her doorstep were three Akatsuki members. The treasurer of Akatsuki, Kakuzu. The most religious guy Natsuki had ever met, Hidan. And Akasuna no Sasori. But Deidara was nowhere in sight... strange.

"We've come to check up on you, Leader-sama's orders. Seriously." Hidan stated, he had obviously been the one pounding on the door.

Without waiting for an answer he pushed past her and entered her small cabin.

"Oh, please come in." She said flatly, glaring at the offending Jashinist. She opened the door wider as Sasori passed so Hiruko could fit through the door and Kakuzu grunted as he walked in and observed her humble abode.

_'Great, now he's sending people to "check up on me". Just perfect.' _

While she continued to curse Pein in her mind she began to close the door, but was stopped as it flew open abruptly hitting her in the nose. She stumbled backward and fell on her bottom, immediately lifting a hand to her nose.

"Danna!" An angry voice filled the small room. "Why did you leave without me, hmm?!"

"You were late. You know how much I hate waiting." Sasori grunted from his spot across the room.

Deidara glared at Sasori, and seemed to notice Natsuki's presence on the floor. Her eyes were narrowed at the blond as she pinched her nose to stop the flow of blood before it could start.

Hidan was laughing from where he was seated on the couch in the center of the room. "Nice going Deidara-chan! You almost broke her fucking nose!"

Natsuki did not see the humor in that. Though it seemed only Hidan did, anyway.

Deidara closed the door and held out a hand for her to take. And she did, with her free hand of course.

He pulled her up and took her hand away from her nose. Satisfied that it wasn't broken, he grunted a barely audible 'sorry' and sat opposite Hidan on the couch.

There was an odd silence in the room. Natsuki had finally decided to break it, but Kakuzu did before she could even open her mouth.

"How much money do you have?" His question hadn't surprised her, but what did surprise her was that he had started opening the cabinets in the room. He'd peer inside, then move onto the next.

"Uhm.. not very much at all. I had to buy new kunai and shuriken because my old ones were too damaged from my last.. battle." Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, but he didn't cease in his snooping.

He pulled something from one of the cabinets and held it towards her. "What the hell is this?" The question was laced with anger.

"It's marshmallow fluff." She answered, uncertain why he sounded so angry. Glancing at the other missing nin in her living room, she noticed that none of them seemed to be paying any attention at all. They all seemed pretty annoyed though, and she couldn't figure out why.

Her attention returned to Kakuzu as he resumed speaking. "That's a waste of good money. From now on, it's essential food only. Got it?"

"Y-yes."

For the next half hour, Kakuzu continued to pull things out of the cabinets and sort them into two piles. A 'waste of money' pile (which was almost everything) and a 'Not a waste of money' pile. He then proceeded to lecture her why each was thus.

"Did you keep the receipts?" He asked at the conclusion of the lecture.

Once she had returned from buying all of her groceries, she'd put them away and tossed the receipts.

Who keeps grocery receipts anyways? She didn't, and she was suddenly very glad about that. The money obsessed zombie would make her take back all of the tasty sweets she had bought.

"No." She said quietly.

His eyes narrowed. "The next time you go food shopping, I will be accompanying you."

Who was going to break the news to Tobi? He'd always been her 'escort' for all her trips into town, and that included grocery shopping.

The last trip had been particularly fun, mostly because that was when she bought her gummie bears.

"_Natsuki-chaan! Tobi thinks you should get this!" The exuberant ninja excitedly held a jar of marshmallow fluff out for the kunoichi to take._

"_Hmm.." As she contemplated on whether or not to buy the fluff, 'Tobi' stood by patiently._

_He rather enjoyed being in her company, it was a nice change of pace. _

_Sure the members of Akatsuki were strong, but they weren't really good for a decent conversation. _

_They were fun to annoy though. __Madara enjoyed pushing them to their limits. It was even more interesting when they finally snapped and lashed out, only to be more enraged by the fact that he was always unharmed._

"_I suppose I can get it, it is very tasty." She smiled at him as she placed the jar in the basket hanging from her arm. "I'll make sure you're around when I decide to open it, that way you can have some too."_

"_Thank you Natsuki-chan!" What Tobi did next could either be described as a happy dance or a pee dance. Natsuki wasn't sure which, but it was funny so it was okay._

_She laughed as she turned from him to continue browsing the aisle. __And that's when they saw it._

"_I haven't had these in so long!" Natsuki gushed, pulling a rather large container from one of the shelves._

_Behind his mask, Madara paled._

_Gummie bears._

_Oh, how he loved them. _

_There was only one problem._

_It was the last one._

_Uchiha Madara did **not** share his gummie bears. __He hadn't even shared them with his beloved little brother._

_As Natsuki placed the item in the basket with a satisfied smile on her face, Madara glared._

_They would be **his** and his alone._

"That's it." Hidan's sudden outburst reminded her of the other people in the room. "Kakuzu, you're a dumb ass. You're too obsessed with money, you greedy bastard."

Seeing that Hidan was trying to pick a fight, Natsuki stepped in before one could erupt in her living room. "Now that I've been checked up on, is there any reason for you all to still be here?"

It was Sasori who answered. "We're supposed to wait here until the next group arrives. It's bothersome, but it can't be helped. Not after your last escape attempt."

She grimaced.

In truth, Natsuki wanted no part of the Akatsuki. But thanks to her ability of being able to see briefly into the future, they thought she'd be of great help.

She didn't like it, but it wasn't like she had a choice. It wasn't like should could overpower them, and she sure as hell wasn't going to do anything drastic to escape. So, she was stuck.. but it really wasn't _so_ bad. She just enjoyed her freedom, as any sane person would. "So, now I'm being watched?" It made sense, she supposed. "Wouldn't one person be enough, though?"

Deidara shifted in his seat as he pulled some clay out of his pouch. "Apparently not, hm." He stated, rolling the clay in his hands.

"Oh.." There had to be another reason. There was no way she could even fight one of them, let alone four. So why..?

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Are you sure this is all really necessary?"

"As sure as the need to breathe." The masked man answered confidently.

Pein wasn't convinced. "Couldn't you just ask her for it? Or go to the store--"

He was stopped dead as a wave of killing intent strong enough to make him lose his breath (not that he had any breath, but it was still intense) washed over him. "This is the only way." Madara turned to Pein. "Make sure everything goes according to plan. Failure is not an option."

"Of course, understood." Really, there was no need for the elaborate plan. If anything it was a one man job. Go in, find it, and then take it. If she said anything then whoever was sent could just pull the sempai card, and voila. Madara would have his gummie bears.

The piercings on his face glinted as he grimaced. All of this for _gummie bears_.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Another hour had passed. An hour of silence, really.

No one said a single thing.

The only sounds were that of paper against paper as Kakuzu counted a seemingly endless wad of yen, the mumbling from Hidan as he prayed, and the chewing from Deidara's hand so he could reshape the clay he'd taken from his pouch.

Natsuki was losing her mind. All the silence was driving her insane, all she wanted to do was continue writing before the creativity was lost. But she knew at least one of them would follow her, and she was too self conscious to let anyone know that she was a writer.

Then, at long last, the silence was broken.

"Natsuki."

Said kunoichi looked up from the spot on the floor her eyes had been glued to. "Yes, Sasori-sempai?"

"What are you views on art?" The puppet master's question caught Deidara's attention. Said blond looked up from his clay, expectant.

Natsuki shifted on the floor where she was sitting. "Well.. I never really thought about it. But I guess--" She was abruptly cut off as the bird Deidara had just molded exploded in her kitchen.

"That's art, hm." Deidara had a wide grin on his face, obviously proud of his work.

Natsuki was speechless.

"That is not art, brat." Sasori growled. It was obvious no one cared about the gaping hole in the kunoichi's kitchen.

Most of the food was in the living room because of how small the kitchen was, which instantly relieved her. The explosion had also narrowly missed her oven, also a relief.

The destructive blond glared at his danna. "Art is fleeting, that is what makes it so--"

"Oh, shut the fuck up. No one cares about your obsession with art. Seriously."

Kakuzu sighed in annoyance. "Hidan, shut up. If he blows you to bits I won't be putting you back together."

"That's not a bad idea. What do you say Hidan, care to become apart of my art?" Deidara grinned evilly as he reached into his pouch. Whether he got an answer or not, there was going to be Hidan chunks everywhere.

At the sound of knocking on the door Natsuki practically ran to it. _'Oh thank god.'_ She breathed a sigh of relief.

It was Itachi and Kisame.

"Please say your here to take them away?" She asked hopefully.

"Hn." Itachi nodded to the almost desperate kunoichi. She bowed her head respectively and allowed them to enter, making her miss the small paper butterfly that flew in with them.

"Finally!" Exclaimed Hidan, jumping up from where he was seated on the couch.

Kisame smiled, his sharp teeth glinting in the light. "Hidan, you have to stay. Everyone else can go."

"What the hell!" Hidan yelled falling back onto the couch.

The other three left almost immediately, not one said anything. In Natsuki's opinion they seemed eager to be free of the cabin.

It hadn't been that bad, had it?

"What happened to your wall?" Kisame asked, examining the gaping hole in the kitchen.

"Heh, Deidara decided to demonstrate his art."

The shark nin chuckled. "Tough luck, kid."

For the next hour or so, Natsuki talked to Kisame and Hidan. For the most part Itachi remained silent, only speaking when he deemed necessary.

And then, suddenly in the middle of the conversation Hidan stood. "I want a toaster strudel."

Natsuki raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you even know what a toaster strudel is?"

He glared. "No, but I want one. So get me one."

"Sorry, but I don't have any. Convince Kakuzu to let me get some and you can have as many as you want." She said, annoyed. Hidan's response was to grab ahold of his rosary and walk off to the other side of the room.

_'Leader is getting impatient.' _Kisame sighed, he didn't want to resort to this.

-X-X-X-X-X-

"_That is your mission. Complete it before sunrise, and there with be a reward.. of sorts." Pein surveyed the Akatsuki members assembled before him. "Questions?"_

"_What exactly is this 'treasure'?" Sasori questioned, having no interest in the reward._

_Although barely noticeable, Pein grimaced. "It's-" but then conveniently (and not at all just to add suspense) a wolf howled very loudly and drowned the words out._

_And so, aggravated, Pein shouted it over the howl. "GUMMIE BEARS!"_

_All was silent._

_Hidan was the one to break that silence. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."_

_Pein cleared his throat. "I assure you Hidan, I don't kid."_

"_You need to lighten up, seriously."_

"_Leader-sama, how exactly are we supposed to distract her?" Itachi asked impassively._

"_Obviously because of her.. gift, I expect absolutely no harm to come to her. You're all ninja, get creative."_

_Kisame frowned. "Is there a reason you need all of us for this mission?"_

_Itachi shared his partner's confusion. "Is it to test her abilities?"_

"_Yea, sure. Let's go with that." No one looked convinced. He inwardly groaned. "Enough talk, move out."_

-X-X-X-X-X-

Kisame stood and walked across the room, seeming to observe the two piles of food Kakuzu had made.. since the owner hadn't seen fit to put anything away. Natsuki took her eyes off of Hidan to see what Kisame was doing.

She did a double take, and blanched.

Was he?

Yes, yes he was.

"K-kisame-sempai. . What exactly are you doing?"

What could have been considered a growl escaped his throat, and paused in his actions. "I'm trying to eat my lollipop. I thought that would be obvious." He resumed.

She never would have thought something like this was possible. But there, right in front of her it was happening.

Hoshigaki Kisame had taken Samehada off his back and was currently attempting to eat it like it _was_ a lollipop.

Shocked, Natsuki looked from Itachi to Hidan hoping one of them would offer an explanation. Neither seemed to notice. She was baffled.

"Oh.. sorry." It was all she could manage to say.

It wasn't working. Here, he was making a fool of himself and it wasn't even working.

Kisame just hoped Itachi had a better plan in mind.

And he did.

"Natsuki-san."

Said kunoichi tore her eyes from the shark nin's inexplicable actions and looked questionably at Itachi. "Yes?"

"I need to speak with you." He gestured for her to sit by him.

Nervously, she complied. "What is it Itachi-sempai?"

"Until recently you lived in Konoha. You spent a lot of time with my brother and his team. Correct?"

Natsuki swallowed thickly, praying for a vision of some sort so she could find away out of her now very uncomfortable home. She nodded.

"My brother... do you think he misses me?" Itachi's eyes seemed to glisten.

"Wh-what??"

"I miss him dearly. I realize how much I have hurt him, and even though I can't take it back..." He trailed off and reached for her hand, grasping it lightly and looking into her shocked eyes. "Please just tell me.. does he miss me too?"

Itachi sniffed. A tear rolled down his cheek. Several more followed, and more tears kept falling.

Uchiha Itachi. Crying. It was too much.

It was as if his eyes had unleashed an entire waterfall.

The nervous and extremely bewildered girl looked past the weeping Uchiha and again hoped the others could offer an explanation. But to no avail.

Hidan was still clutching his rosary and praying with his eyes closed, as if asking for a toaster strudel had been some great sin in Jashin's eyes. And Kisame was still attempting to eat Samehada with a concentrated look on his face.

Horrified, Natsuki desperately thought of a way out of the situation she was in. She awkwardly patted Itachi on the shoulder a few times as he wept.

Had hell frozen over, or something? This day was just too weird to really be happening.

"There, there. I'll, uhm, go get you some tissues?" Itachi nodded his consent and released her hand. She immediately stood and headed for her bathroom, making sure to stay as far away from Kisame as possible.

She disappeared inside the bathroom and the door closed behind her. Natsuki would make sure she took as long as possible to get those tissues.

As soon as the door closed the butterfly, that had been inconspicuously fluttering around the cabin to find the gummies, turned into Konan.

Kisame almost immediately stopped trying to devour Samehada and silently apologized to it. Hidan let go of his rosary and opened his eyes, seemingly relieved. And Itachi stopped crying suddenly, as if he hadn't even been crying at all. Kisame looked at him oddly, but said nothing.

Konan nodded to herself and walked into Natsuki's room. Emerging seconds later with the container in her arms. "Mission accomplished." Her quiet voice filled the room briefly and she exited the cabin.

"I still don't get why we all had to be here." Kisame sighed, walking towards the door.

Although Itachi agreed, he didn't say so. "Quiet, she can probably hear you. We should go, she could be back at any second."

Hidan was the first to leave, he was still being unnaturally quiet. Shrugging, Kisame followed.

Itachi shook his head as he closed the door behind him.

Once the four of them had reached the secret meeting place, Konan handed the container over to Pein. "Excellent work." Pein's eyes narrowed. "If only you would show the same dedication to finding the jinchuuriki."

Slightly annoyed, and not at all ashamed, the Akatsuki continued to just stand there, relieved that the dumb mission was over. Pein set the container on the precariously placed tree stump in front of him and twisted the lid off. "Everyone is permitted one handful."

So Madara had said nothing about that, but what he didn't know wouldn't be of consequence. If he said something, he would just tell him that it was how much Natsuki had eaten.

Several members raised an eyebrow, but none spoke. _That_ was the "reward"?

Sasori, being the impatient puppet that he is, shuffled forward and took a large handful. So what if he couldn't eat them, he'd use them to make a tasty but deadly poison.. or something.

Kakuzu stepped forward an took a handful, followed by several tentacles grabbing more. Pein had turned to talk with Konan, so it went unnoticed.

Itachi took an exceptionally small amount as he wasn't one for sweets.

Kisame decided that after pretending to try to eat Samehada to get the gummie bears he deserved an exceptional amount. He took four very large handfuls which he stuffed into his pocket. He hadn't had them before and he hoped they were worth all the trouble.

Deidara took some because he wanted to know how they would look as part of his art.

Hidan, however, merely glared at the container and made no move to take anything from it.

"Zetsu, where have you been?" Pein questioned as said plant man 'grew' in front of the gathered Akatsuki.

His white half smiled. "I was on the ceiling, filming the mission." He held up a camera to solidify his claim. "**It was an interesting display**." He looked at Kisame and then Itachi, amused.

Kisame pretended he wasn't paying attention, and Itachi stared impassively at the enigma that was Zetsu.

Pein cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention once more. "You're all dismissed." He picked up the container and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, Konan followed seconds after.

"Hey Zetsu, mind if I get a copy of that tape?" The shark nin looked thoughtfully at the camera Zetsu was holding.

"**No copies.**" His black half answered roughly. "But, as soon as I eat we can all watch it."

Kisame looked innocent as Itachi shot him a glare.

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Yes.. finally it's mine." The masked man was about to pull the lid off when he looked up. "You can leave now."

Rin'egan eyes glared slightly in annoyance, but the man the eyes were attached to complied.

Slowly he pulled the lid off. He smiled beneath his mask and leaned in so he could see his great treasure.

He immediately frowned. There was hardly more than five gummie bears left, five normal gummies and one that was just a head.

Dramatically, and most unnecessarily, Madara slammed his fists onto the table and cried out to the heavens.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Natsuki could not fathom what had just happened. Six, no, seven Akatsuki members had conspired and acted entirely out of character so that they could steal her gummie bears.

_'Of all the things.'_ She sighed. Her spur creativity was long lost, probably never to be seen again.

"Gummie bears!" She let her head fall onto her desk with a dull thud.

Something so common, so inexpensive.

The Akatsuki were strange, indeed.

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Let's watch it again, hm."

Itachi resisted the urge to reacquaint the palm of his hand with his face.

Hitting the rewind button, Kisame smiled toothily. "Pass the popcorn."

Deidara was entirely too happy to enjoy the Uchiha's embarrassment. He laughed to himself as he passed the popcorn to Kisame.

_'I hate you Zetsu.'_ Itachi thought bitterly.

* * *

Yea, so I hope you enjoyed it. Don't mind the OOC-ness, it was meant to be there.

Review? I'd promise some virtual treat, but I'm not allowed. Court order. =[


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